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33.1 Rest.

There is no rest. Not anymore. Perhaps there never has been, not since I was twelve and my sister was dead. Before it was that my thoughts were never my own, that there was no rest because I was always hearing her and her ideas and thoughts and plans. Now that my head and my thoughts are my own, there's still no rest.

There's the constant worry of the palace being overrun. Currently my mother and sister support me and my recovery but that might not stop the people of the O.Z. from seeking revenge for everything that occured during my reign.

Then there's planning and plotting and ensuring that things don't go too far from the ideals I desired and wished for. Add to that Zero coming to see me, our time together and the turmoil that comes from caring for him and that's more hours that I can't find rest.

Late at night I will pass out, falling into a deep and dreamless sleep and yet it never seems to afford me any rest. They say there is no rest for the wicked and I'm beginning to think this is true. There is no rest for the wicked... with or not.

Patient: Azkadellia
Fandom: Tin Man
Word Count: 200
Prompt: 33.1 Rest
I know he's glad we aren't in darkness. I accept that and I'm glad that there isn't a constant, daily reminder of what I'd done and what I didn't do. At least he doesn't spend every day reminding me that I failed. I don't think that is something that bothers him.

That DG still lives? That the tin man is living in the palace? I think those are ways that I've messed up in Zero's eyes. I don't think he sees this accomplishes so much. DG alive leaves me someone that believes in me. Someone that the kingdom trusts and respects. This is someone they see as a good person and she supports me. It's only logical to keep her alive. The momen we kill her, the moment they will turn on me more than they have.

As for the tin man?

Maybe in that I'm choosing my sister over Zero. She cares for Cain and for her I keep him alive. I won't let Zero kill him either. I suspect he is disappointed in me for that.

Good thing he's my general and therefor has to accept my decisions in this.

Patient: Azkadellia
Fandom: Tin Man
Partner: Zero demon_held [canon]
Word Count: 190
Prompt: 48.2 Discuss a time when you fell short of what was expected of you.

Week 26

What happened was that I failed. I understand that I regained my sister and the only person that it tore me apart to lose. I got back a lot but that doesn't explain what happened.

What happened was that I didn't act on my own. Not that I could have. I was twelve when she left me and I was possessed. Maybe I could have held tighter to DG's hand. Maybe I could have been stronger on my own. Now I am. I'm stronger without the witch. She led me wrong, brought me to a place I should never have been and the plan failed miserably.

That doesn't mean that I won't be seeking my throne and my palace once more. I just know what happened before and what will not happen this time. I won't let failure be an option once more. Not when it's me and my will and desire. Me and nothing else, free from the hold of another.

What happened was I failed. I won't let that happen again.

Patient: Azkadellia
Fandom: Tin Man
Word Count: 170
Prompt: Week 26 Truth: What happened?

166. TEN ways you think you might die.

1. Killed by Longcoats
2. Torn apart by the witch's mobats
3. In my sleep by the people of the O.Z.
4. Poisoned
5. At the hands of the witch
6. Run through with a sword
7. Killed by mother's guard
8. By accident caused by DG
9. Of old age - HA!
10. At Zero's hands

Make Your List 58.2

Make a list of things that make you feel better when you're sick.

A warm toddy
A hot bath
Laying in the sunlight
Snuggling into bed with a cup of tea and the pillows lush and deep around me
Zero
I don't dream. Not anymore. I'm not even sure I ever did. I know they say that everyone dreams and you just don't remember that but I don't think my life has been the same.

Before, when I was a child, I think my life was just too full of magic to worry about dreams. There was my life and my sister's and together we could do anything without a second thought. Together that is. The moment we weren't together everything changed.

Once possessed my thoughts were rarely empty enough for dreaming. All I had was shared with another and I don't believe I dreamed. What might have seemed to be dreams were just her thoughts and plans.

Now that she is gone and my mind is my own once more, I'm just thankful to have silent. Dreams might be needed by some but now all I need is a few moments when my thoughts are my own and silence surrounds me.
[Locked to the therapists]

Everything. Nothing short will do. I want my kingdom back under my rule instead of this charade where my mother pretends its her kingdom once more. I want my sister on my side, completely and without the spector of the tin man hanging over us. I want my mother locked away and Ahamo with her.

I want to know if Zero followed the witch or me. I want to know if DG is right and this could possibly be love. I never thought that pretending to love him, pretending that he loved me, would turn out to be so hard. It was another act, another act just like so many from the past and now this one has caught me in my own trap.

What do I want? I want him to love me. Actually love me. I don't want anything to change. I want our relationship to stay exactly like it is now. I just want to believe that he actually does care.

I'm a complete and utter fool.

[/Locked]

Patient: Azkadellia
Fandom: Tin Man
Partner: Zero demon_held, canon
Word Count: 175
Prompt: 47.2. What do you want?

Make Your List 57.1

Make a list of things that remind you of someone.

Steel
Iron
Leather
Pain
Clouds
Rain
Straps
Bathing
My sixteenth year
Longcoats
Wyatt Cain
Palace windows

For On the Couch

The sky was black. It wasn't the black like midnight when the moon was hidden and clouds added a buffer so that there were no pinpoints of light where the stars were. The sky was the color of soot as if the entire land of the O.Z. were covered by a dusky fog, a fog that would never end.

The darkness enveloped the land, the crops laying dead and weathered in the fields without the nourishment of the sun. The animals were rarely hidden and only the beasts made their way across the land, all gnashing teeth and hideous sounds that more often than not heralded the death of yet another of the Outer Zone. It was a desolate land where most were wasting away in the darkness that captured the land. Most, not all.

Azkadellia stood on the balcony of the palace and looked out over her land. This was the O.Z. she envisioned. One brought to it's knees by her rule. Even Central City, once a mecca for all in the land, had been reduced to smoldering ruins after the people had turned against one another. The result had been the resistance taking control of what remained of Central City, living like rats amongst the ruins. Rats that would soon perish.

"Azkadellia?"

She ignored the voice of her General, leaning closer to the edge of the rail. Out there was her sister and that damned tin man. Out there was Tutor and the headcase and soon she would have them all.

"Azkadellia!"


She came to with a start, flailing wildly before Zero was able to hold her down. "What? Who? Why are you laughing,' she demanded to know, aiming her flailing arms at the man that shared her bed. It only seemed to make him laugh louder. "What?"

"Who were you talking to,' he asked, settling back down with her close.

"What?"

"In your dream, who were you talking to?"

"I.. I don't know. Why?"

He snickered. "Because you kept going on and on about how you'd get them and their little dog too."

Patient: Azkadellia
Fandom: Tin Man
Word Count: 335
Prompt: 32.3 Picture Prompt

Theatrical Muse #264

"The past is never dead. It's not even past." William Faulkner, Requiem for a Nun.

The palace was changed since Lavender Eyes returned. Not the least of which was L.E.'s insistence that there always be music no matter the mood or the hour. That alone was enough to make Azkadellia scream. Yet that was not the least of it.

The guards, those outside of Azkadellia's own guard, treated her with as little respect as possible. They spoke openly of wanting DG as queen and how once their mother passed then the masses would have her put on the throne.

When this had been Azkadellia's palace there had been no talk like that. When she had been possesed, stronger than she was now, then this had been her home, her place and she had held control. Now it was a place of merriment for most and a prison for Azkadellia, one she would never vacate for fear of losing her rightful place once more on the throne.

Yet no matter how much they thought her changed, they missed the greatest point. She wasn't not wicked, she was merely without the possession of the witch. Let the family believe that all of her acts had been that of a wicked witch and not the woman that Azkadellia had become. Let them believe it was all over. In the end the past came back to haunt everyone and that held most true for those that now made the palace their home.